As James taught (James 1:2) and Paul taught (Rom 5:3), we should therefore treat marriage conflicts (and all trials) with joyful expectation, not because we appreciate suffering, but because we know God`s intentions in it. We pray to a God who took upon Himself the worst sin that ever took place in the world, the murder of His Son, and did it for the better. This is the reason why we can have a joyful expectation, even in conflicts. This is not a denial of pain. It is both a recognition of pain and a hope for the future. It`s like a mother giving birth. Even in the midst of pain, there is a joyful expectation. Many couples who have gone through very difficult conflicts have developed some of the strongest marriages – marriages that have been used to advise and repair others. Careful reflection will convince us that serious marital conflicts are not God`s will for us. God created marriage for the good of man and woman. He never wanted marriage to be a source of hatred and bitter resentment. To make this situation worse, says Scripture, if we walk in indelence, God will not forgive us (Mt 6:15) and He will not hear our prayers.
Peter called on husbands to take their wives into account and treat them with respect, so that nothing would hinder their prayers (1 Peter 3,7). A marriage in which the partners have bitterness and anger against one another is a marriage in which prayer is powerless, which opens a greater door for the enemy to attack and destroy. Another important principle that must be applied in marriage is the ability to resolve conflicts as quickly as possible. Both partners should approve this principle very early in the relationship. Paul said in Ephesians 4:26-27: Do not sin in your wrath: Do not let the sun set as long as you are angry, and do not stop at the devil. By looking for counselors, the couple would ideally agree on who to contact. But at a time when one partner does not want help, the other partner may still have to seek help in obedience to Christ`s teaching in Matthew 18. Thus, Christ intended his Church to function. We should not rely only on God, but also on each other. The eye cannot say by hand, ”I do not need you” (1 Co 12:21). By not using the body, one becomes mentally impoverished.
Independent couples may spend their entire marriage mentally ill, or worse, the marriage may end in divorce. Although this was originally spoken of a brother in sin, it is certainly valid for sin or conflicts in marriage. God has made us part of the Body of Christ, which includes our union. When a natural body is sick, it often causes fever. In case of fever, the body is simply recruited to bring healing. Similarly, a Christian marriage needs the help of the body to stay healthy.